The Museum Ritual
Do you have an enemy? A person you can't stand? Do you want to get revenge on someone for whatever reason? Is there someone you hate with a vengeance, a passion and all of your guts, pylorus included? Do you live near a Museum of Natural History? This ritual is for you, then! With it, you will never see any of the people you despise again, with a 100% rate of success! This time, there are no specific objects that you need, but you may want to have a burglar tools, a burglar suit to wear and a hood on your head since the first thing you need to do is breaking and entering the museum, the night before the anniversary of the extinction of the dinosaurs, the 16th of september. Once in, don't be a noob and avoid security and being detected by survaillance cameras, I bet you played "Splinter Cell", right? Then you will have no problem sneaking past everything. Not to mention that there won't be any turret, which is the thing that I hate the most in the whole series. Speaking of that, the first installement is the one I prefer, in particular the mission that takes place in an abattoir in Myanmar, where you have to... Oh! Sorry! I was digressing. Back to topic. Go into the dinosaur hall and find the room where the huge theropods are being showed. If you are not in paleonthology, know that they are the large biped carnivorous dinosaurs, like the T-Rex. Once you find the room, bar the door with wastepapers and everything else you can find so you won't get disturbed by anyone. Choose the skeleton of the dinosaur you like the most and go in front of it. I suggest choosing a Carcharodontosaurus if avaible, since its name is scarier, but every other theropod will work, being it a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Allosaurus, Spinosaurus, Carnotaurus, Giganotosaurus and so on. This part was made only to brag about my knowledge of scientific names of dinosaurs. Now close your eyes and say out loud, many times: "Oh, mighty but dumb beast from the ancient times of the Earth, I command you to live again!". Flesh will begin to magically appear on the dinosaur's bones and eventually it will return to life. You will know when it happens because while a dinosaur skeleton is somehow quiet, a living dinosaur 9 meters high can be quite noisy, I assure you. At this point, open your eyes and try to convince the dinosaur to not eat you and be your servant and kill the persons you despise, instead. Obviously the dinosaur will eat you regardless of your babbling (also, you called it dumb, did you expect it not to be mad at you?) and you won't see any of your enemies anymore, ritual successfull!. Thinking of it, there's now an enormous prehistoric beast with a strong appetit for flesh free to wreak havoc everywhere, but in the end that's definitely none of your concern since you're dead. ---- A disasterpiece made by Grand Albert Content is avaible under CC BY-NC-ND Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Troll pasta Category:Rituals